Memories are among the most powerful tools human beings possess. The ability to remember is one of the great elements that reside within each one of us. The great paradox is that memories can be used for one’s benefit or detriment.
Memories provide the foundation for the goals we want to achieve. Our memories, good or bad, impact, and influence how we think and act. They are derived from our past experiences and play a much bigger role in our lives than we imagine.
For example, in a past situation, we may have acted in a particular way and had a bad outcome. Will we repeat this action the same way? Or will we remember to use all the knowledge acquired from that experience for our benefit the next time?
The only way we can evolve and be happy is by using the power of memory. We need to have a point of comparison within ourselves. If we can’t compare what was with what is or what might be, we will not be able to be thankful for the life we are living or realize that a change in thinking and action is needed.
The human brain stores memories the same way a computer does. We think and decide which memory to pull up. However, it’s important to note that traumatic memories have a stronger pull.
The challenge for us is to understand how to access a memory that reveals a more accurate truth, a memory with less judgements.
For example, consider a son who was misunderstood by his parents in his youth. Years later, as a grown man, does this person remember the negatives, and the first thing that comes to his mind when thinking of his parents is a dislike towards them, or can he remember all the help and love he received from them as well?
We tend to remember things that were difficult or challenging rather than those that were positive. It is in our nature to blame someone else for our anguishes. We should try to use memory to help us look at our past, not in black or white but in all the different shades of grey. Doing that can give us a more accurate understanding of others and help lead us to a more enriched and fulfilling life.
Another example of selective memory: why do we sometimes choose to be with someone who hurts us, makes us feel inferior, or causes us pain? While there can be several reasons, one might be that we simply choose not to remember or remember inaccurately the harm or the extent of the harm suffered. We CHOOSE to ignore it for many reasons, such as fear of loneliness, thinking that we are not good enough for something better or other insecurities.
As an exercise, as objectively as possible, write down all the memories (good and bad) of each relationship you have. Most likely you will be pleasantly surprised with what you discover.
Working with a coach can also help us discover the different reasons why we repeat harmful actions so that we can overcome them. Once we acknowledge and analyze the consequences of our actions, we start to acquire a “superpower” (wisdom) through memory. This superpower can then be used to visualize specific actions and their possible outcomes. Memory is our most important tool, allowing us to improve and ultimately transcend ourselves.
Contact us to learn more about how we can help you achieve higher happiness and a deeper understanding of yourself.
PHILOSOPHICAL STYLE, INC - January 2025
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